Love and Discernment

In Philippians 1, Paul does something very dynamic, even though it often goes overlooked. In v9, he prays that the Philippians will experience increasingly abundant love through knowledge and depth of insight. In v10, Paul explains why he wants to see this growth - so that the Philippians will be able to discern what is best and be pure and blameless before God.

Often times, we have a tough time bringing love and knowledge together. We are prone to see knowledge primarily as an intellectual thing, while seeing love primarily as an emotional thing. The result is often that we have trouble marrying the two, so that what we believe doesn't translate into how we feel and act. But Paul's description of the human constitution doesn't break down along these popular lines. For Paul, the relationship between the head and the heart is not a mutually exclusive one, as if both exist in separate containers. To the contrary, Paul links the two at a very basic level, and in doing so, offers a vision of humanity that sharply differs not only from the pagan dualistic thought of his day, but also the tendency in our day to compartmentalize the human constitution. Love is informed by knowledge, and knowledge is informed by love. Put them together, we arrive at the kind of discernment that results in the kind of perspective that yields good godly decisions.

There is little doubt that in our world, making godly decisions, or even knowing how to properly analyze a thorny situation, is a difficult yet regular experience. Paul is very helpful to us here in Philippians, particularly as it relates to what love looks like in difficult relationships.

For example, how should we handle working for an unethical boss? How should we handle a difficult spouse? What should our response be to a hurtful sibling? Scripture gives us the virtue of perseverance, but also dramatically gives cases where separation is necessary. How are we to know which posture is correct at any point in time in any given relationship? The Bible is not a cookbook with point by point instructions on how to deal with the myriad of difficult situations we can find ourselves in. What does love look like in cases like this? It is here that Paul helps us.

Many of us operate with certain default settings, and this certainly holds true in regards to our response to difficult people. For some, the immediate response to a toxic relationship is to cut it off and remove one self from the situation. For others, the response is to stick it out at all costs, because of fear of making waves, rocking the boat, and creating tension and friction. These responses are not confined to individuals. The church at large also tends to adopt such postures, with some regularly ringing the bell of separation, while others insist on 'togetherness' at all cost.

As we've said, both postures can be biblically supported in a vacuum, but it is precisely because Scripture supports both postures that we should be wary of adopting either posture as some kind of universal rule of the cosmos. For Paul, in order to discern what is best in difficult situations, love and knowledge must both be part of the equation, with both mutually informing the other. Paul tells us that in part, what abounding love looks like in tough spots is influenced by the degree to which our love is growing through knowledge. Rightly loving difficult people in difficult situations requires discernment that is informed by knowledge. Heart and mind working together to rightly inform the will.

It is through godly discernment that we determine how long to persevere with some person or situation. Discernment helps us avoid erring in one of two directions. It is possible for people to err in separating too quickly from a situation, and also to err in persevering too long in a situation. It is godly discernment informed by knowledge that guides what love looks like in these situations. Most separations in the home and church are sinful, but not all are. For those who are struggling with where to draw the line and how much to commit, Paul offers us some sage counsel. Do not trust your feelings to the exclusion of knowledge - that's not discernment. Don't compartmentalize or marginalize the faculties you possess in formulating solid responses to difficult spots. It only makes sense that difficult situations that tax our whole being should be met with a godly response that takes the faculties of the whole being into account. By linking love and knowledge, Paul gives us a realistic, sensible, and biblical rationale to engage all of ourselves in the difficult task of successfully making godly decisions in a fallen world. The health of ourselves and the health of the church warrant following Paul's grid.