Weeping

I am a man, and grown men don't cry. We've all heard it, and as foolish as this is, most of us as men believe it enough to live much of our lives that way. To weep is to embarrass oneself. To weep as a man is to be interpreted by women as sensitive one moment, and weak the next. While it's a bit clicheish to say that crying in a man is a sign of weakness (which, of course, we can't express), the fact is that many men really buy into this. Add to that the cultural confusion which gives men very mixed signals about society's expectations. Today's man is supposed to be sensitive and more in touch with his feelings. But at the same time, there is also the constant drumbeat of women in particular and society in general wanting a strong man who takes responsibility and clear-headed initiative that isn't clouded by the erratic nature of emotion. Such binary messages can leave us confused not only about what society wants from us, but who we are and how much we can safely disclose to the world without being ridiculed or looked down upon.

I've been a Christian for over 9 years now. I was a non-Christian for the previous 26 years. I can say without a doubt that as far back as I can remember, I've wept 3 times as much during my time as a Christian than all the previous years put together. Is this a sign of weakness? Is this an indication that my faith is more trouble than it's worth, and that I was better off before? Isn't crying more worse than crying less? One would think so, at least I would. But then I began to seriously study Scripture.

Do you realize that there are over 100 references to people weeping in the Bible? More exactly, most of these reported cases of weeping were by godly people, from Joseph, to David, to Jesus. Beyond that, there are an additional 100+ references to people 'crying' in the Bible, many of which occur in the Psalms. Now it should be said that when Scripture refers to acts of crying, it may not always refer to the literal act of shedding tears. But almost uniformly, these references do refer to the response to anguish on the part of God's people, so that crying out is certainly in the same basic genre as weeping, if not two descriptions of the same act. What Scripture gives us is an unadulterated picture of Biblical grief made manifest through weeping and crying. Weeping and crying are part of the Christian life. And I would argue that they are also part and parcel of an authentic human experience. Those who refrain from weeping, as I did for so many years, may give the outward appearance of being happier. But I would submit that they are not living authentically. If the perfect man, Jesus, wept periodically (Luke 19, John 11, etc), then clearly authentic personhood includes this expression rather than excludes it.

Christianity (or more accurately, the Holy Spirit working in me) has changed me from a man who didn't and wouldn't cry, to a man who weeps periodically. I don't cry everyday, or every week, or even every month. But my eyes are no longer dry when bad things happen, or when I see or hear things that upset me. Is this a sign of weakness or an indication that my faith doesn't deliver on its promises of a better life leading to eternal life? No. It's a sign that I'm more in touch with the holy discontent that comes with the knowledge that things should and will be better than they are. Only God can give us the eyes to see history moving toward a glorious conclusion. Many will no doubt say that if having such eyes results in more weeping today, then thanks, but no thanks. Fair enough. But to be authentically human is to truly understand one's place in the world, and to understand the world itself. The ravages of sin should be wept over, because sin is our enemy. The great people of the Bible understood this, and so did our Savior. And by God's grace, I'm beginning to get it too.

Men, don't cry because the culture is sort of telling you to. Cry because the perfect Man did. There's only strength in that.